Social Anxiety

A terrifying roar drags me out of my inner fog
I blink in the light
My heart flutters, beating like hummingbirds’ wings
“Huh? What?”
The boom repeats it’s awful question
“I asked, what time is it?”
Time….time….what is time?
Humming faster…louder
The air! The air is too thick! Gasp!
Does time exist? Can time be defined? What is the answer?!!!
Not “what is time?”
It asked “what time is it?”

Why ask me? Do I know?
Phone…oh, my phone

I see numbers on the screen
1..0…2..8…10…28…It’s 10:28
What do I say? Exact numbers? Approximate time?
My voice…
No! I’m not ready!!!!
My voice squeaks
“Ten thirty”
Nooooooooooooooo! That’s wrong!
I force my eyes to look
Dreading it’s response
My blood rushing like horses in a derby
I hold my breath
It’s face contorts
I brace
It smiles
I shudder
No, wait. That’s good.
I mirror it’s smile
I force a nod
It leaves
I pant
Humming slows…..quiets
The soothing mist whispers
“It’s ok. You did good.”
My inner fog
Envelops me
“You’re safe”


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I am a mom, widow, artist, dog groomer who loves hairless dogs, blogger, and aspiring author. My husband of 14 years died on May 6, 2015 after a two and a half year battle with glioblastoma. I am now raising our two sons and trying to find my way.

One thought on “Social Anxiety”

  1. Tela, this writing gives a glimpse of your inner pain. There are a lot of people today that can relate. I know, because I’ve been in the same place. I read recently Isaiah 49 that says morning by morning He wakens me and opens my understanding to His will…He gives me his words…so that we know what to say when we are weary…when we listen we can hear the voice of the Lord speak to us, because He is the answer for all our anxiety, pain, and questions. He is in the mist of our fog. He is our help; he is near to you, saying in a tender voice, Tela, I LOVE YOU! xoxoxo

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