I have been struggling for a while with what to write…with what I want this blog to be about. Sometimes I have ideas. Sometimes I just have a jumbled mass of confusion. Sometimes I manage to write something I am really proud of. Sometimes I pour out my inner most thoughts, but then I delete them.
Well….I was going to ignore that question because that “why” is at the heart of everything. I constantly ask myself “why” questions, and I even wrote a partial poem of all these “why” questions just a little while ago, but I deleted that too.
Because….I feel like people are probably starting to tire of the gloominess that continually haunts this blog. Because….sometimes my “why”s bother people. Because….no matter how hard I try, I can’t quite articulate the “why.”
There are so many things in my head. So many questions. So much confusion. So much sorrow. So much hope. So much hurt. So much loss. So much want. So much humor. So much angst. So much desire. So much compassion. So much love. So much stuff.
But…I still don’t know what to say.
There are so many things that have happened in my life, and I want to share them, but I don’t know how. I don’t know if I should. I don’t know if the people involved will be hurt by something I say or misunderstand what I mean.
To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure if it’s the “why” or the “because” that gets more in the way? Are the questions more risky than the answers? Do the questions even have answers?
I suppose it all comes down to one thing….
I don’t know….